other bits of blog

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

a couple of things

So, people, I have—as the title says—a couple of things to tell you...
One. I probably won't be posting for a little while because I am—wait for it—moving! Yup, I am leaving the house that I have literally lived in since I was born and going to the city...well, town, really. Of Great Barrington. Today I walked around the farm that I live on and sort of said my winter goodbyes while listening to my latest obsession, American Idiot (the musical, duh!). I'm not ashamed to say I cried, but I also had quite a few moments. It sort of felt like the music was in tune with my mood, in beat with my step, and switched songs at exactly the right time. But maybe it was the other way around...I don't know. Anyway, Alana has a couple of pictures, a couple of posts, that will elaborate for me what I can't say here due to over-vacation homework. But just wanted to alert you and tell you that I'm kind of scared, really excited, pretty freaked out, extremely happy, and very sad. Wow, that's gonna make a good poem...
Simply Music
Something seems perfect
Too right to be real
And yet it is
All here
And all in my mind
Voices
Words
Music
Tuned into me
My actions
My feelings
Walking
Running
Dancing
Singing with the music pounding in my head
Cold and unbearably happy
Sad
Afraid
Too many emotions bottled up at once
Too many things on my mind
Too many things to do
Too much too soon
As they say
As I say now
As I sing
Perfect
Here in the moment
The moment when I say goodbye
And let go of all I’ve ever known
How am I supposed to do this?
Is there something I should say
Or feel?
I certainly feel too much
Too soon
Letterbombs and holidays
I walk down an empty road
All alone
Corresponding
Registering
So ear splittingly perfect
Quiet
Known only to me
Something so intimate
Private
And eternally special
I don’t know how to say it
What to do
Where to go
How should I know?
I’m new at this
And all but a baby
And yet
As I sing
And fall
And dance
And leap
And run
And cry
And think
And smile
And wonder
And remember
And laugh
And twirl
And do things I never thought I’d do
But I did them
I remembered
I sang
I danced
And most importantly, I lived
Lived what I lived here to the fullest
Never looked back
And I’ll never look back
Though I will remember
And grieve
But I will always come back
And never stop
There are so many things going through my mind
And I can’t describe them all
This will make people give me looks
But I’ve had too many before to count
So what will it matter?
It won’t
And that’s exactly my point
I’m thanking you
Not you yourself
And not you either
But whoever you are
Wherever you are
Thanks for this
But I don’t want to thank you
I can thank you
But what I need to thank
Need to remember
Need to grieve
Need to mourn
Need to love
And am never able to live without
Is the music
No matter what it is
No matter what you are
I’m thanking you now
Because there is nothing I could ever do without you
Nothing to say
Nothing to feel
Too much
Too soon
Too little
Too late
It’s not over
It will never be over
Because you’ve shown me music
And I can never thank you enough
For the rhythm
The rhyme
The beat
The tune
The lyrics
The poetry
The instruments
Everything
My life is made up of you
Of music
I can’t turn back time
Forgetting you but not the time
And I’ll never forget you
Never
I don’t want this to sound like a thank-you card
I know it does
Leave me be
I’ll miss you
Forever
Even though you’re still here
You were here with me today
And I thank you for that
For whatever you’ve done
Whatever you haven’t
Just thank you
For the music
That compels me to become the girl I am today
This girl
This music
I can’t be me without you
And all because of one simple word
One simple phrase
One lyric
One beat
One rhyme
One rhythm
One love
One music
Music
Simply music
Hey, I guess it did make a pretty awesome poem.
And this—randomly but not so randomly—below, is my awesomely orange kitchen! Check out more here.

And two. Look out for my next few posts, because they will contain Little Rays of Sunlight which I am currently one or two chapters away from finishing! My first, actual, serious, finished, short story! I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am...
"There is nothing left to analyze...Now don't look back...It's not over 'till you're underground, it's not over before it's too late. This city's burning, it's not my burden. Wake up!" -Letterbomb, from American Idiot, currently playing on my computer and causing me to "leave you tonight..."
Ciao!
Okay, that was totally a lame ending, so I will end it again...
With a picture. Because that's what life is made up of, isn't it? Pictures and snow and stars and music and blogs and flowers and sunshine and books and don't make me finish this list because it will never end. There are just that many moments in life and the best ones are the ones that we can't describe, so I won't even try.

Friday, February 18, 2011

this shadow

This is a quick, tired, I-really-need-to-go-to-bed-but-I-am-still-here-writing post, so brace yourself to get tired...or rather, un-tired.
This is an insomniac post. And this also is a creepy post...but then again, what isn't?
This is a poem. I think it's about my slight, not-really-here-anymore insomnia. I'm not really sure. Maybe this is about more. Or less. I don't know.

The Shadowed Place
Dreaming
Sweet, cold
Teeming
With wishes and life and love
With the silent whispers of the crooning doves

Hoping
Someday
Coping
With the hardship no one faces
Lying frozen in forgotten shadowed places

Knowing
Never
Slowing
Down and always running from the things
You cannot see with blackened gaping wings

For sleep is a forgotten corridor
Lines with polished mirrors
With starless twisted doors
The night is only a moonlit scene
Glimmering on silver grass
Devoid of its every tinge of green

There is never a way to know
To dream of what is lost
And the price you’ve paid
Every coin and every cost

It is over
It is done
I lay in shadows
And wait for the sleep to come
This is when I say goodbye and close my eyes and wait for sleep to come.
This is when it snows and gets warm again.
And this is where I actually go...

Sunday, February 6, 2011

willing hands


The End
The beginning begins
And the ending ends
Plots weave
Twist
Turning unexpectedly
And exactly as predicted
Crisp
Clean pages
That seem worn from love
And soft from overuse
Perfect overuse
Breathless
Leaving open mouths
Drying tears
Questions invading minds
Anger
Sadness
Joy
Too many emotions for one simple day
And yet there is no end to the words
Though the cover may shut
The sun may set
The light may be switched off
There will always be words
There will always be some little bit of sun
Some light from the glowing lamp
Because, no matter what happens
Who lives or dies
Who falls too deep into love
And deeper still
There will always be words
There will always be a story
Life ends
Covers close
The spinning world comes to a stop
But we go on
And the story will always
Always
Be in our hearts
Carried along by our love and joy and faithfulness
To pass along to willing hands
For, honestly
A story never truly ends
I've always been a reader—that goes without saying, because I write. And what writers don't read? And what readers do or don't write? All of them. None of them. I don't know. (Those were confuzzling statements...)
Any moose—anyway, any whoose, whatever you want to say—I love to read, and I really always have. Though I have fallen in love with millions of books, I have never had a favorite one. And lately, I've fallen in love with a whole lot of books. I mean, a lot of books. *Sigh*
This post will be quick, since I have to go do homework and be infected with cabin fever and read read read read read more, but I want to spread the word about some absolutely fantasmigorical (that's the second time I'm using a completely brain-bewildering word...) authors and their utterly fabulous books:

Maggie Stiefvater
Andrea Cremer
Cassandra Clare
Ally Condie
Kristen Cashore
Gayle Forman
Jackson Pearce
Tamora Pierce
Kirsten Miller
Jodi Picoult
Suzanne Collins
And those are just a few. Comment and tell me which authors you like. I need more books. See, being me, I read way too fast...

And now I have three orders for you people out there. One, get off the computer. Two, get a book by one of these authors. And three, READ. As a little bird told me, every page will leave you breathless...So please, go ahead and read. Then you'll see what I mean.