other bits of blog

Sunday, March 27, 2011

zip

Look, I know it's been a long time. And I know a lot has happened. At least to me it has. And I'll tell you soon. Oh, believe me, I will tell you so much soon.
But for now, I just want to check in. To ask how you are. To see how you've been.
And to give you a poem.

Furious, Just a Little
Bubbling
Hot
Cold
Fire
Burning like the sun

Frigid like the snow that falls so regularly
So perfectly
So routinely

This is not normal
Though it is
A part of my life
Just as the snow is
Just as the sun is
But it still hurts too much
Burns so cold
So hot
Too hard to describe in words
Even metaphor
But like is a metaphor
A ballad for what we have lost
And what is still to come
Things mystify me
Rambling on about future and past and whenever and wherever
But not now
Not ever, ever now
We need now
And here
Forget them and then and when and where
Just now
No
Stop
Stop
Forget
Forgive
No
Hurting
Burning
Bubbling
Too many verbs to conjugate
Too many nouns to describe
What I think about
The sentences I form in my mind
Furious
Just a little
Like someone said
Like someone said in some stupid, stupid poem
That hurts more and more
As time wears on
They say the hurt lessens
It goes away
But they’re wrong
It just gets worse and worse
Because there’s hope
Hope is there to overtake me
Hope is there to threaten to kill me with it
Hope
Hope
Hope
Impossibility
I try not to care
Try to ignore
I try so hard
So incredibly hard
But sometimes I break
Everyone does
A shattered window
Me
We are the same thing
The same argument
The same talents
But different predicaments
I can only understand
Don’t lie
I can tell it’s not the truth
So just go
Leave
Forever
Never
I don’t know
I don’t care
I try not to, at least
Hello?
Are you there?
Hey
A phone call
A text message
An online chat
Broken
Shattered
Gone
The thoughts that go through my mind when I am angry
They break me
My anger doesn’t
At least, I hope not.

5 comments:

  1. Wow. Really sad and amazing. I think I know what you feel like.

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  2. Maia. I am almost crying over here. I am not mad. Just almost crying.
    -me

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  3. was i too harsh on you?...i wrote this when we were fighting and just really needed to post it—if you get my drift is this an a. thing???? or again that poem cry life whatever????? talk. blab. haha
    :D

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  4. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA computer class I am not supposed to be HERREEEE
    OMG this is SO FUNNYYYYY

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  5. Computer class. Once again. And I am smiling, even as I look at this poem in which you hate me. haha.

    ReplyDelete